I had struggled for the past few years with being angry with others because it seems like they were trying to convince me to go down a path that I should have never gone down.

Whether others were trying to influence me down a path of destruction or not though is besides the point. Either way I find myself asking me these very hard questions...

However, maybe the person I should most be angry with is my self. I wonder why I even listened to other people? Why did I allow them to get to me-to get to the point where I would start compromising my values? What was it worth to me?

Right now, I am thinking about what good it did to me to try to live a life to please others, versus one that pleases God. All it did is make me look like a total fool.

Just recently, I have been thinking about this quite a bit-and I don't want to be the fool any more. People can point fingers at me all they want but when they see that I am serious about going back to the way I used to live my life  my hope is that they will stop judging me. (There was really a time when I lived a more peaceful existence-albeit a bit lonely and very imperfect-but at least more peaceful.)

I remember a time when even though I may have had my share of "issues" I still lived a more respectable life and I had more respect for myself. I think other people had more respect for me at that time in my life as well. Therefore, I guess right now all I can do is forgive myself, close that awful chapter of my life (about 7 years) and start anew.

In the mean time, anyone who wishes to make a joke of the fact that I had taken a trip away from God can just realize that eventually the joke is going to be on him or her. I am not going to do anything to take revenge on anybody because that is God's job. However, even if people do not see it now they will.

They will see how wrong they were for judging me. They will see that they had no idea what was truly in my heart and that they are the ones who now have to take a good look at them selves. This will all happen and I won't even have to tell them anything.

It will be all God's doing and I will not be to blame. I am just living my life right the best I know how and people can say what they want about me. I don't really care.

Does this mean I do not have any regret? No, but I am not going to dwell on that regret. I am just going to carry on and pick up where I left off with my relationship with God about 7 years ago.

        

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